Tuesday, wednesday, and today have been a fail. Ive been eating everything in sight. Slight exaggeration but still. This morning I was 116.8 I think. I'm tired of weighing myself a million times a day. It's totally pointless. The only time it matters is first thing in the morning. I should only weigh then. From now on that's what I'll do.
I had a stats test this week, on tuesday. I don't feel good about it. I didn't know pretty much anything on the entire first part. I'll probably get a C. This gives me major anxiety. I feel like I'm turning into such a perfectionist. I hate even getting B's. I'm sure I have A's in all of my other classes. I know I do. This stats class is obviously going to require some extra study time.
Jimmy comes home tomorrow. He called me this afternoon. I haven't been contacting him since everything last weekend. It was amazing. But I can feel how little I trust him. I feel that I have the upper hand right now. And I like it that way. He was planning on coming home Saturday, but I told him that I thought he should come home tomorrow and he was immediately like ok, I might. But under no circumstances will I contact him first. I am just fine with or without him. I'm starting to really believe that.
I've been doing a lot of blow lately. Like every weekend. I love the way it stops my appetite in it's tracks. I literally struggle to eat the days after I do it. I'll probably do some tonight. I feel guilty, but now too guilty. Being single affords me that ease of mind. It's nice.
I feel bloated. I've been snacking on junk all day. I'm on my period, which of course makes me crave every single high calorie food in the universe. Which is why I can't wait to get off of work so I get a line and a drink in me.
I'm fucked up. And I like it that way.